Eugene, OR — With two of the best Journalism and Business schools in the country, the University of Oregon decided to spread their reach to the ever-growing entertainment industry by introducing its newly developed school, Clowning College.
Acting as a bridge between the curriculums of the business and journalism schools, students will be able to take new class sequences next year, including Animal Whispering 101-103, Bad Jokes 69-269, Balloon Animals 101-403, Horrible Puns IntenDEAD 101-666 (it physically hurt me to write this, but I must as it is my duty as a future Clowning College reporter), and Face Painting 209.
Some notable administrators that will be heading this new program include Mike “The Situation,” the posse of ‘Insane Clown Posse,’ and George W. Bush. Though hesitant at first, Nike founder and CEO Phil Knight finally agreed to provide scholarships for the Clowning College as long as “it at least provides mediocre half-time shows during the football games.”
All-Star faculty and brand new buildings (currently under construction next to the EMU) will make it one of the most innovative colleges in the country, and will provide an estimated 1,000 extra Ducks to the student flock.
To be eligible for Clowning College, one must already have an Associates Degree from ITT Technical Institute, the University of Phoenix, or Oregon State University. This ‘transfers only’ policy ensures that only the most committed are part of this elaborate institution. However, a minor is made available to those who are already students of UO and naturally were too incompetent for the Associates Degree.