Publications in the real world stopped wanting you the moment you became a college student. Wasting four years of your life to get a flimsy diploma? You should have started working for a professional newspaper right out of the womb (high school), because they would have printed you a diploma with all the extra resources they have from not making it in the print industry.
And we at Daily Jade can’t have you. We’re Internet babies, barely out of the womb. Please wait until our site is at the legal age of 18 months.
But we have good news for you. There are a lot of senior citizen publications who need you now! And they’re all in their poopy diaper phase!
Envision, Ethos, Flux, Oregon Voice, The Oregon Commentator, Quackd, Unbound—hell, even the Emerald, which has been surviving on anabolic steroids since their ol’ “Revolution,” needs you. They all want to staff you, as you can see from the various applications floating around. And being staffed is way better than having to be a freelance writer, because they’ll tell you what to write and you won’t have to worry about creative freedom.
Slave for these seniors a little while, and then they might be grateful enough to leave you a hefty Will, with which you could spoil us. We may not be able to voice our thanks while in our baby stage, but we’ll definitely appreciate you one year from now while when we’re in our Internet rich adult phase and more willing to make a slave out of you.
– Forever your master, Editor-in-Chief, Yoda Mass