Tip: Get The Fuck Back To Studying

At least he's not procrastinating.

At least he’s not procrastinating.

So this is what your tuition money, all-nighters and determined strugglebussing has surmounted to—another half-assed reading of an article lacking in intellectual and academic content to procrastinate on the application and advancement of your cognitive capabilities that could catalyze innovation and creativity in countless future generations that will ultimately arrive at the decision that there’s more to life than knowing pretentious shit that we may be wrong about, anyway, and return us to the more sophisticated dark ages.

So get the fuck back to studying.

Come on.

You’re still reading this, aren’t you? 

God damnit. Okay, here’s what you do.