Satirfy (v.)

To satisfy with satire, which apparently Dicktionary words can’t do, you piece of shi—you know what, nevermind. Perhaps name-calling and other immature forms of our self-expression are the cause of our lack of popularity. You already see enough mean posts on Facebook, YouTube, and Reddit feeds. We’ll change from now on.

To make it up to you, we’ll refer you to more satisfying satirical sources:

(1) Russell Brand, who made us realize that our rudeness makes us no better than Sean Hannity.

Russel Brand examines Sean Hannity's skull.

Russel Brand examines Sean Hannity’s skull.

 

(2) ClickHole, which desensitized us to our own sensationalist content and reminded us that we should focus on school.  

We're sorry, ClickHole.

We’re sorry, ClickHole.

 

(3) Stephen Colbert, who gave up on his vicious satire in order to pursue a real talk show career to have meaningful interactions with guests by discussing why their lives and thoughts are important.

The guests have been responding well to Stephen's transition to a real talk show.

Look at how positively the guest responds to Stephen’s genuine care for his thoughts.

 

(4) John Green, who could have sold out with his YouTube video personality or written a brilliant satire about a teenage cancer victim, but decided to continue providing meaningful content in his videos while turning his satirical novel into a tear-jerking love story. 

Jesus, this is getting to be too much for us. We're sorry, everyone. We've learned out lesson.

Jesus, this is too much. :'(

Wait, hold up, hold the fuck up. These guys are only putting common mainstream bullshit through a more intelligent filter so you don’t have to think for yourselves. You don’t need that kind of condescension, Internet. You’re smarter than that, you fucking hipster idiots. Fuck you, we’re going back to our dick jokes.