Eugene, OR – With the end of fall term approaching, one Journalism professor, who wishes to remain anonymous, reportedly asked her students to write a 500-word essay on what they learned in class, impudently assuming they had learned anything at all.
“Wow, she really thinks she’s some hot shit,” front-row student and sophomore Katie Dougy said. “So she just, like, automatically assumed we learned stuff in her class? Pretty ballsy.”
Dougy confirmed the due date of the paper is one and a half weeks from today, which is “not even close to the amount of time I need, because, like, I’m really going to have to soul-search some beautiful bullshit for this one. God, I wish she assigned this over break.”
“That prompt is impossible,” back-row student Geoffrey Jeffreys said. “Learning in that class was balls, and I was actually half-awake for 6 classes. …How could she [professor] do this to us? I was doing so well in the class, but now, well, I’m fucked.”
Several classmates commented that they are now in the works of changing their planned teacher evaluation essays about how much they didn’t learn in class to essays about how “essential information was adequately reinforced.”
“Good enough—whatever,” one of the essay writers, senior Sisyphus Philosyphus, said in response to the convincing, fancily bullshitted thesis. “I’ve been getting this question for 12 years. I’m surprised some of the other students haven’t learned how to deal with it by now.”