Eugene, OR — Don’t know if that girl in your chemistry lab has a thing for you and you’re too wimpy to friend her on Facebook? Need to find out if your man or gal (or whatever they identify as) is cheating on you? Is that sniveling senator in DFC trying to weasel a bill through, and you want to find out who’s pulling the strings behind the scenes?
Then have no fear, because that’s what your target should have — and we’ve found the perfect places to follow your quarry and gather intelligence on their activities. Our list takes into account ease of observation, entry/exit, and concealment. So tell that private investigator where to start looking!
5. Dux Bistro
This little piece of residence hall dining is easy come, easy go. It’s in the middle of campus, and it offers plenty of tables to slip in and listen to your quarry’s conversations.
Four entrances and exits give you plenty of tactical options, while the placement of tables right next to booths allows you to peak at whoever your target is talking to and hear their conversation. Plus, if your mark is a freshman female trying to be health conscious, chances are she’ll be there to munch on a salad. Watch out, though, there are only two lanes of travel. Keep your face hidden if your subject knows you.
4. The Student Recreation Center
People divulge their dirtiest secrets to their spotters while they’re working in sets. If you need to keep a tab on a male, follow him into the weight room. During the rush hours, it’s easy to be just inches away from someone and remain unnoticed. If your quarry is a fan of benching, simply stand next to the opposite rack and pretend to be changing weight sets as he spills the beans to his spotter.
It’s also easy to poke your ear around the corner in the locker room to hear whatever your game is chatting about and to whom. Cons: There’s only one way in and out, so make sure your target doesn’t know who you are if you enter at the same time. If so, follow them from a shadow’s distance. Also, if you make yourself look like a doofus while doing squats, you’re bound to blow your cover.
3. The Fishbowl
This iconic dining spot is the perfect place to pick up on unsuspecting conversations. There are plenty of entries, exits, and tables to slip in and out of during rush hour. Because people walk through this area all the time, it’s easy to casually sneak a peak at your target’s computer screen or whoever they neglect as they check their various social media. If you expect to be there for a while, you can grab a bite to eat while still keeping tabs on your prey.
2. The Global Scholar’s Hall (GSH) Library
If your quarry studies or meets people here, you’re in luck. This little hole-in- the-wall library is an echo chamber and carries a lovely second floor observation point. Perch yourself upstairs and you can see everything your mark does on their computer and still be able to hear what’s going on. Just don’t get caught peeking from above. Little known to the student body is that the study rooms in the GSH library are not soundproofed. Sit near one, and you’re ready to gather intelligence.
1. Allen Hall
The SOJC’s commitment to student collaboration has inadvertently led to one of the easiest buildings to spy in. Its winding hallways offer undetectable infiltration and exfiltration with three entrances and an elevator to avoid being seen in the stairwells. Faculty offices have hallways that parallel study areas, so your observation point possibilities are vast. Plus, the structure of the buildings makes it easy for you to sit on the second floor and listen to someone on the first floor commons rant about their friends, group project members, failing relationships, and other shit you’d think J students wouldn’t find that interesting.
BONUS: If you’re a J student, you have access to high-powered microphones, cameras, and other tools that make espionage a breeze. Just make sure no one hears your shutter go off.