Harrisburg, OR — The Harrisburg Police Department (HPD) reportedly “hit it big” Wednesday evening at 8:27 p.m. PDT-UTC 0700, when Eren Jaeger, a police dispatch officer, stumbled upon an abandoned quinoa silo containing eight supposedly shanghaied street signs.
Officer Jaegar reported being sincerely stunned when he ambled upon the presumably pilfered signs. “I was just walking my beat when I happened across this here granary. Never did I expect to make the bust of the century!”
Harrisburg Chief of Police, Bertolt Hoover, confirmed the magnitude of the finding by haughtily declaring in his outside voice, “Now the law enforcement institutions of our neighbors to the South — Junction City, Knoll, and Lowell — will have to take us seriously!”
Harrisburg forensic detectives believe that they may have potentially unearthed an international street-sign-stealing-syndicate. “If not that, then at least the private pilferage of a prolific and high-profile homeless individual,” Harrisburg crime co-efficiency analyst Connie Springer longfully chimed.
At the time of reporting, Harrisburg historical public correspondent, Sasha Blouse, announced that after extensive analysis and scrupulous scrutiny of the recovered signage, it is believed that a portion may have once belonged to the old Jerusalem district of Harrisburg.
“This is a landmark discovery, as all artifacts from the Jerusalemburg era were believed to have been lost to the gaping maw of antiquity,” Blouse said.
At the time of reporting, Hoover told Daily Jade that the HPD anticipates many more landmark, street reputation-boosting crime busts.