Eugene, OR — Sources confirmed University of Oregon freshman Lindsey Green couldn’t believe her 55-year-old Macroeconomics professor did not hit on her during a private office hours appointment last week. The happily married professor, who is a father of four children around the same age as Lindsey, allegedly failed to even take furtive glances or make subtle innuendoes at the 18-year-old student.
Lindsey Green has commented on her current dismay over the situation, “After my first lecture for the class, I thought he was a dirty old man for emphasizing curves while lecturing on supply and demand. So I totally thought he was going to make a move on me at office hours, like he probably did for his front-row whores. But he didn’t. Like, at all.”
Green added that she spent three hours picking out her dress and forgetting everything she learned in class so that she could appear “sexy and stupid as fuck,” but that the professor was still nowhere close to showing any hint of attraction.
“He never even leaned over his desk to get near my face and sensually point at things in my textbook with his pen while explaining good decision making and cost-benefit analysis. I am completely repulsed by how safe I felt.”
This lack of salacious behavior by male professors during office hours is not a rare occurrence. A shocking statistic has shown that one out of five female students have reported that they were, at one time or another, not objectified by their male professors during office hours.
“The idea of a university system with a comfortable environment where the female student body doesn’t feel violated by a predatory male-dominated teaching staff just doesn’t register with me,” Green said. “I’m currently trying to raise awareness on campus that some of our male professors are trustworthy and virtuous. It’s really offensive to girls who are well-adapted to the norm of being insecure about their looks and needing compliments from predatory men, and it’s been unaddressed for too long.”
Awareness has already been raised to upwards of ten students, one of who reported a story similar to Green’s.
The student, Chelsey Handler, said, “I saw my anthro GTF at a bar at, like, 1:00 in the morning. It was quiet because it was the weekend before midterms or whatever, so I got really, really close to ‘hear’ him, which should have emphasized that I wanted him, because who does that when it’s quiet? But all he did was give me instructions on the basics for the next lab practical. It was so humiliating. I ran back home crying and thought I would never feel like myself again until I got a call from my emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend.”