Jaded Opinion

Tip: IT’S FUCKING COLD

According to the National Weather Service, a Winter Storm Watch for snow freezing and fucking cold weather is in effect until sometime Friday morning. So here are the best ways to fight this Frozen-loving Mother Nature of ours. Drink lots of alcohol. While tests say alcohol just makes you feel warmer and not actually warmer,…

Letter From The Editor: Notice Of Distraction

Dear slaves to procrastination, It has come to the attention of the Jade Media newsroom that we fucked up. Our entire existence thus far has been devoted to misleading you, taking you away from your work, and subverting your intellectual quotient. And we now realize that was wrong of us. Fortunately, this is a problem in many…

We Need To Have Fewer Opinions

Now, I know everyone has a right to their stupid opinions, but do we really need to have so many? There’s a limit to how many opinions we should have, and I’m writing this OP-Ed to inform you that we’ve crossed it. And guess what—it’s all the Internet’s fault. Give people a source of nearly…