Jaded Opinion

Sigma Alpha Epsilon Brothers Are Misunderstood Gentlemen And Scholars

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Sigma Alpha Epsilon (SAE) is a modern day Animal House—full of completely misunderstood gentlemen and scholars. For example, take the recent changes to their property, specifically the parking lot. Many people think they lost their privilege to park at their lot because they are all belligerent drunk assholes who take advantage of women, disregard authorities…

5 Things You Need To Know To Save Your ASUO Campaign

The Ducks Like You slate complains about rent to a number of passing students.

1. Everyone Loves Underdogs This year it seems that each slate thinks it is a front-runner. Mighty Oregon, the elitists; Ducks Like You, pretending they aren’t elitists; and Fresh Start Oregon, the campaign that thinks UO sucks and wants to end everything we have come to know. With all of these intimidation titles, the only…

Tip: Get The Fuck Back To Studying

At least he's not procrastinating.

So this is what your tuition money, all-nighters and determined strugglebussing has surmounted to—another half-assed reading of an article lacking in intellectual and academic content to procrastinate on the application and advancement of your cognitive capabilities that could catalyze innovation and creativity in countless future generations that will ultimately arrive at the decision that there’s…

Top 5 Places To Eavesdrop On Campus

Top 5 Places to Eavesdrop on Campus

Eugene, OR — Don’t know if that girl in your chemistry lab has a thing for you and you’re too wimpy to friend her on Facebook? Need to find out if your man or gal (or whatever they identify as) is cheating on you? Is that sniveling senator in DFC trying to weasel a bill…

Top 5 Places To Poop On Campus

(Photos by Brandsome.)

Eugene, OR — As of last Friday, I can proudly say that I have dropped a deuce in every restroom on campus. My friends have given me the nickname Scat Superior, but I would go as far as to say that I am the leading poop expert at this university. While I have casually met…

Tip: BUY “ZAP!”

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Now! A 100% safe-to-use Bug Killer!  ZAP Also works on cats! It’s 100% organic, made of genuine cowhide, rubber, cotton and other natural fibers. Comes in right and left models, and five different colors: tan, brown, black, chestnut, and oxblood. In the home, it looks just like a work boot! Our product blends in seamlessly within your…