Campus Tour Guide Can’t Believe Concerned Mother Under Impression UOAlert Matters

Campus Tour Guide Can’t Believe Concerned Mother Under Impression UOAlert

Campus tour guide Susan Strite deals with concerned parents every month, but not a parent so concerned as to think UOAlert matters.

Eugene, OR – Upon nonchalantly informing a mother touring the UO campus with her son about UOAlert – a service that provides notifications for emergencies on or around campus – tour guide Susan Strite realized that the mother was actually taking UOAlert seriously.

“I was showing them around the Matt Knight Arena and just remembered, ‘Oh yeah, there was totally a UOAlert about that literally 2 days ago—suspicious package or some shit,’” Strite said. “That’s when the mother flipped a fuck. She was so wide-eyed, and, like, I had no idea how to react. Her son was chill, though; he had definitely heard about UOAlert before and was, like, ‘fuck it.’”

After explaining to her how UOAlert should warrant minimal seriousness, Strite reported that the mother said, “Please, Susan, I need to know that my son will be safe. If someone steals my son’s calculator at the library, or his bike by the dorms, will there be a message to protect him?”

Strite reportedly responded by telling the mother that UOAlert primarily focuses on “mysterious packages.”

“Well, he [son] certainly won’t get any mysterious packages from me,” the mother said. “I will always call to let him know when he can expect one.”

To change the subject, Strite took the mother and son around popular late-night hangouts around campus, such as Common Grounds at Hamilton Hall. Talking directly to the son, Strite said that Common Grounds is open until 2:00 a.m., at which point the mother interjected with, “Are there UOAlerts for bed times? If Tom [son] isn’t asleep by eleven, he gets cranky and vulnerable, and we don’t want that with all the riots going on right now.”

Strite reportedly wished to respond with, “Ma’am, this isn’t Ferguson or anything. We’re fine,” but ended up saying, “I don’t even know. I just — nope.”

At the end of the tour, the mother went over to the pioneer statue to examine it for hidden cameras, and the son whispered to the tour guide, “Hey, man, so my bros and I got this Hunger Games thing planned for Thanksgiving. Do you think UOAlert could help spread the word? It’s going to be so sick.”