That One Chick

Apple Joins Forces With Sony To Invent Undetectable Anal Nano Computer

Apple and Sony's prototype of their undetectable, transrectal, "Smartass" technology.

Cupertino, CA – Sources report that Apple Inc. has been developing the future of unhackable computer hardware, and not even North Korea would suspect it is doing so by teaming up with Sony. The hardware, which sources say is a microchip-sized supercomputer inserted into the customer’s rectum via electromagnetic iron rod, much like a traditional suppository,…

Marcus Mariota Given Another Speeding Ticket For Rushing To Save Newborn Kittens, Ebola Patient

The heartbroken officer says Mariota even requested that he give him a ticket.

Eugene, OR — The University of Oregon’s star quarterback, Marcus Mariota, was caught speeding on Highway 126 to allegedly deliver a box of newborn kittens, as well as an Ebola patient in the backseat who was cuddling the kittens, prior to the game against Arizona last week. Eugene Police officer Josh Brooks, who pulled Mariota…