Mongo

Intoxicated Partier Gets Cut Off After 12 Cheesy Grillers At Common Grounds

Eugene, OR – Suan Gomez, a freshman and recent pledge of the Chi-Rho fraternity, was refused service by a University Dining employee at 1:06 a.m. last Saturday morning after wolfing down his twelfth cheesy griller. Under the influence a dangerous amount of extra-sharp cheddar jack and severely impaired by an overload of casein proteins, Gomez…

Harrisburg Police’s Street Cred Skyrockets From Finding Silo Of Shanghaied Street Signs

Harrisburg, OR — The Harrisburg Police Department (HPD) reportedly “hit it big” Wednesday evening at 8:27 p.m. PDT-UTC 0700, when Eren Jaeger, a police dispatch officer, stumbled upon an abandoned quinoa silo containing eight supposedly shanghaied street signs. Officer Jaegar reported being sincerely stunned when he ambled upon the presumably pilfered signs. “I was just…