Recent Posts

UO To Bridge Gap Between Business & Journalism Schools With Clowning College

Oregon Clowning College

Eugene, OR — With two of the best Journalism and Business schools in the country, the University of Oregon decided to spread their reach to the ever-growing entertainment industry by introducing its newly developed school, Clowning College. Acting as a bridge between the curriculums of the business and journalism schools, students…

Lillis Complex Replaces Defibrillators With Kits Containing Salmon Board Shorts & Beats Headphones

Eugene, OR – The University of Oregon’s Office of Emergency Management & Continuity (EMC) has replaced the Lillis Business Complex’s Defibrillator Locations with new Emergency Kits that consist of salmon board shorts, Beats headphones by Dr. Dre, extra wheels for Penny Skateboards, iPhone 4-6 chargers, and North Face Nuptse 2…

Bro At Rec Center Can’t Explain His Wearing Leggings On Arms/Chest Day

Gym Bro Can't Explain His Wearing Tights On Arms/Chest Day

Portland, OR — Despite today allegedly being a chest, shoulders, and arms day, marginally athletic sophomore Shad McTrowbridge was spotted “rocking” a pair of plaid Carolina blue Lycra leggings in the Student Recreation Center (SRC). “Yeah, we definitely did legs yesterday,” roommate Ryan Milligan confirmed as McTrowbridge swung a pair…

I Can’t Believe Starbucks Is Still Selling These Offensive Canadian Snowmen Cookies!

Offensive Canadian Depiction

If you think we’re in a post-racial society, then check your privilege at the nearest Starbucks. And I’ll tell you what you’ll see while there: White snowmen. Only WHITE snowmen. Only white snowMEN. Only HETEROSEXUAL white snowmen. Black, brown, yellow, red, neon, women, gays, transsexuals, cissys, neutrals, sheep—you won’t find…

Conscientious Student Recycles Essay To Preserve Mental Environment

Recycling To Preserve Mental Environment

Eugene, OR – Feeling a strong urge to uphold the state of Oregon’s long, progressive tradition of supporting environmental conscientiousness, sophomore Craig Gregorson decided to preserve his deteriorating cognitive environment by self-plagiarizing an essay for his Cinema class, which he deemed “the best decision anyone can make in college.” “I…